In Defense of Marriage

Blogging has become a bit slow. For one factor, it is summer, for a second, this past week was our 20^th wedding anniversary. On that note I will provide my observations on 20 years of actual married bliss. I have some guesses that each marriage is about as unique as a snowflake or a Microsoft OS installation, but I do believe there are some basic principles that can be of huge service.

First and foremost, remember that women are in charge. A trip to any major shopping mall will prove this. If men were in charge, how many jewelry stores, women’s clothing stores of various kinds and shoe stores that are essentially or actually all women’s shoes would you find? Most likely about the same number as you find of stores dedicated to men in malls today. In a world in which men were in charge, the MOA would be a combination of Cabela’s, Bass Pro, Hardware Heaven, and every big box electronics store known to man with help imported from Hooters, peanut shells on the floor, and shopping carts that were raced from store to store in NASCAR fashion. In case you haven’t checked, that isn’t the world that we live in, so get with the current program if you have fallen out of sync. Delusions as to which planet you are on can cause all sorts of problems in a marriage.

Second, you must realize that women want only one thing from men. Heat! The average woman has feet and hand temps that run around 35 degrees on a 90 degree summer day, and if they can’t find a guy with spare body heat they are doomed to sit and shiver. When girls refer to a guy as a “hottie”, they actually mean; “I think his body temp is really high”. They like guys with shirts unbuttoned or no shirt at all because they assume that means that he is trying to cool off. If they can find a way to put a foot or hand in close proximity he will receive immediate 3^rd degree frostbite, and they will have a few moments of thermal bliss. When a woman refers to a man as “cold” it means the end of the relationship, since women can put up a with a lot, but if there is no potential for thermal fulfillment, the relationship is at end. 500Mg Niacin before bed could be the miracle drug to save your marriage.

Finally, the best marriage advice that I’ve ever been exposed to was on a T-shirt (huge source of wisdom), it said; “If Mama ain’t happy, Ain’t nobody happy”. I often find men to be quite willing to put up with adversity at work, in sports, and in life in general, and sometimes I think we feel that “everyone needs to put up with adversity”. I don’t really disagree, there will always be adversity, but it is also true that “If Mama IS happy, it goes a long way to everyone being happy”, at least at home. If things are happy at home, maybe the rest of adversity isn’t all that adverse after all.